Ep. 4 - Stop Over-Tolerating

Welcome Back to the conversation. If you're an empathic person like me, you can feel things before people open their mouths. The longer you stay silent and just watch them, you can determine whether your first instincts about them are correct or whether you totally misjudged them. I mentioned in a previous blog, I've practically been an observer of people and human behavior since birth. It's been a common theme in my life.


So it's 2015 and I'm a co-host for a LA radio show at a station called DASH RADIO. It's the place where brands like "Hollywood Unlocked" began. One particular day we had this guest who was a "Human Design" expert. I forget the fellow's name but I do (OF COURSE) remember that he was a Virgo... If You Know, You Know lol. I also remember his girlfriend who accompanied him was an Aquarius! This guy made his living creating "human design charts" for people and reading their energy. This guy was the FIRST PERSON who taught me the importance of knowing your birth time and what's in your birth chart!


Humans are so egotistical and stupid sometimes! I won't go back and forth about this. I've been living and observing people too long to think otherwise. I've seen WAY TOO MANY TIMES people "religious" and "non-religious" people view what should be an ALMIGHTY, OMNIPRESENT GOD as some haphazard, clumsy, creative dictator. They only view God in such a way cause it's a convenient concept that doesn't require them to do any self-reflection or be an intentional architect of their life. The saddest part is too many of these type of people exist inside churches, synagogues and other religious temples.


Too many times people influence other people to diminish the power of an Almighty, Omnipresent and Infinite God to concept that yields no power whatsoever outside of an ego boost for themselves. So they dismiss any spiritual conversations as silly, psychobabble cause research and faith scare them. They don't dare lean into the theory that "maybe I am here on purpose and my existence is not a practical joke" and so many people don't lean into taking any action of discovering that purpose. My philosophy is "You are already HERE on Earth existing. There is purpose in that and power in that alone, even if you DO NOT believe in a higher power you call God. However, if you consider yourself to be a believer of an Almighty God (specifically The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) then you have an obligation to become a collaborator with your creator because you claim to have faith in his plans for your life and his love for you. If you choose not to do that you are simply a liar about who you are and what you believe."


Imagine Jesus teaching the disciples, "You will know a tree from the fruit that it bears" and people who claim to believe he existed on Earth and saved them merely did it cause he was bored and trying to be a goody two shoes and that's the furthest they take their faith. When to the contrary, that entire bible verse was about creation, intention and operation. When a thing is CREATED to do something, it must do it and produce the expected result otherwise it's a sham. An apple tree should always YIELD apples - not oranges, coconuts or simply leaves and NO FRUIT. Take this awareness a step further and imagine YOURSELF as the tree Jesus was speaking about. God the heavenly father created you and formed you in your mother's womb to fulfill a certain purpose in your lifetime AND HE GAVE YOU ALL THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO FULFILL THAT PURPOSE! When you add that awareness with historical knowledge, you begin to see and know you were created for "such a time as this" (whatever time period you exist in).


Back to 2015 and this "Human Design" guy. It was actually pretty cool to see him start with all the hosts on the show and telling them information about their birth and personality while on air WITHOUT much context or back story. Cause truth is truth and something is either true for you or it isn't! There is no debate or fuzziness about whether something applies to you or not. He went down the line from our main host, to me and the other co-hosts asking only our birth day (not birthdate which includes the year) and time of birth. Then he put our answers into the software he designed and it generated a body chart. He told us what the chart revealed which included which of our chakras lead us the most - Sacral chakra, root chakra, heart chakra, third-eye chakra, etc. Then he shared with us what he information about us he picked up on energetically just from interacting with us. That was it! Nothing else. No other information was shared and we didn't give him any of our back stories.


One by one, he hit the nail on the head about various things - i.e. "You are lead by your sacral chakra which means you are a very passionate person. I feel like you got lots of creativity and sexual energy but you deeply fear squandering it. This often has you keeping people at arm's length" - stuff like that. The stuff he said was either true for people or it wasn't. Nothing was forced and every time he shared what he energetically picked up, what he shared WAS confirmed by each person. When we started taking calls into the show, it got really fun. The phone lines were blowing up because people wanted to hear what he could pick up about them and whether he would be right or whether it was baloney. Every single time, with every single person he was correct.


Then the show wrapped. All the co-host ended up tying up his and his girlfriend's time with our additional questions and positive feedback for his gift. When it came to me, I was floored by what he picked up on while we were on-air. I never met this man in my life and I definitely don't discuss with people or (at that time) even have the ability to express any of the things he correctly saw about me.
I will ALWAYS remember asking about my dating life and what he saw at the time. He looked at me and asked, "Truthfully, when you met that guy, what was your first impression of him? The first instinct we get from people is always right, whether we acknowledge it our not because our soul is always informing us on whether we are safe or in danger." DEEP RIGHT? Lol. I paused and thought about it. Then I said, "Well, when I first met him, he was smoking a cigarette and I hate cigarettes. He mentioned I reminded him of someone after hitting on me in a crowded room". Then he said, "But what was your initial FEELING about him? He's a bad boy... right? Over time he showed you how bad he was... right? When we don't recognize and accept those early warnings it could cost us." Then he stared at me with the most (I'm dead serious and I need you to understand this face) and said, "Sometimes we get the warning so it doesn't cost us our life. You dig what I'm saying? Cause I see it and I get it. It was fun! It was seductive and ya'll had serious chemistry but after that? After all the fun and the seduction and the "I'll give you this if you do that" that ya'll had going on (his words not mine and REMEMBER I didn't reveal too much about the guy. I didn't mention nothing but his zodiac sign and how long I had been seeing him) he's still a bad boy and it can cost you, your life".


I nodded in agreement with him but then I said, "Part of what attracts me to him and keeps me wanting connection with him is because he's the only guy who made a real effort to really get to know me. People usually like what they see in me but they don't really try to get to know me. Then he said, "WHY YOU TOLERATING?" Right at that moment, his girlfriend who had been standing beside him the entire time, chuckled and shook her head as if she was silently thinking "Poor baby. She will learn one of these days." He continued, "You didn't come into this life tolerate. You don't entertain relationships to tolerate a person. Think of how it even sounds. "I enjoy some of what I'm getting when I'm with this person - TOLERATING vs "I just enjoy this person and how they treat me. Don't TOLERATE just flow." Human Design Guy and his girlfriend left. Later that night, I called my mom asking all kinds of questions about my birth and birth time because I wanted to begin "cracking the code" of who I am and who God created me to be and what type of person would that really require in my life so I can "stop tolerating".


That conversation with my mom was one of the most eye-opening conversations I ever had with her. It gave me deeper insight into myself as a person and who I was a child and WHY I operated the way I did. It also gave me a deeper insight to her as a woman and the entire process of motherhood. The things she recalled and confirmed were extraordinary. Just to get a balanced perspective, I called my dad and asked the same questions. My dad was a different experience. First of all, he seemed more annoyed by my questions than my mother but as he begin recalling the day I was born from his perspective, he added a more comedic point of view. I was my mother's 3rd child and my father's second child. My father recalled the events of the day and recalled the similar time of day as my mom. Both of their accounts deviated by one hour and both accounts include my dad being late to the hospital because he was somewhere golfing when she went into labor. My dad's accounts included lots of comparisons to my older sister's birth cause she was his first child and according to him and my mother, her birth was strenuous. So his perspective as man (who can't give birth and feels helpless when women go into labor) comparing the two events and having a revelation of his own of what that meant as younger man was pure comedy. I get my humor from my dad. He's a character.


Fast Forward to June 2024. Next Sunday is Father's Day and I just got inspired to make next weeks post about "Cool or Funny Things I Learned From My Father". FIRST, here is your takeaway for this week to help YOU stay sane in this crazy world, "Real love involves tolerating but don't over-tolerate just to keep people in your life".


I'm in my Larry David bag right now so I gotta point out that tolerating and OVER-tolerating is indeed a thing. "TOLERATING" is something we have to do to operate, stay sane and be productive in life. Tolerating is understanding that there is a such thing as "societal norms" and to be considered "normal" there are certain ways you need to behave so people "accept you" and not think you are crazy. But "Over-tolerating" is going all the way OUT OF YOUR WAY to make someone else happy or pleased with you, while making YOURSELF UNHAPPY. "Over-tolerating" is dealing with a person who thinks they are the prize and you have nothing of value at all if they don't say so or think so. "Over-tolerating" IS REALLY what "Human Design Guy" was trying to get me to avoid. Thanks, Human Design Guy!


We have to share this world we live in with others. Regardless of how rich someone else maybe, nobody OWNS EARTH. Yeah, yeah, yeah nefarious rich people do conspire towards "world domination" but they like all of us face the reality that they can all drop dead tomorrow and someone else has to pick up the baton where they left off, and while they are doing that, there are just as many people who work towards love and spiritual enlightenment so in the meantime we have to co-exist.


Tolerance is essential to co-existing. I wrote a tweet yesterday ( @aaronacreates on the Twitter/X platform - shameless plug) about Gay Pride Month and how extremists within that community abuse people's compassion and tolerance.


The tweet, if you missed it, was "Aye, I know it's Pride Month but ya'll gotta chill with the bullying. If any other group of people rallied together to name a month after one of the 7 deadly sins, ya'll would laugh them off the planet... ie- FAT PEOPLE get together every year to celebrate SLOTH MONTH. Some of the SAME PEOPLE (meaning extremists from the LBGTQ+ community who counter bully people by labeling them as homophobic when they are really indifferent or try to force people to be into things they just aren't into otherwise they'll scream discrimination. MEANWHILE, they are constantly begging people to approve and affirm them while being the EXACT same person they don't want others to be... I'm SOLELY talking bout those extremists people) doing the most would be telling all them fat people celebrating SLOTH MONTH to take their fat asses to the gym. So a person's "preference" isn't really THAT respected and we all need to stop playing God. It's vulgar human behavior no matter what you believe, identify as or what size you are. Tolerance is essential to co-existing because NOBODY has the right to control ANYBODY, especially if they are above 18 years of age. Even the people who love to use the Bible as a crutch to persecute others, fail to read Matthew 7:4-5, where Jesus specifically teaches about the dishonorable trait of being a hypocrite cause you cannot mind your own business and let God reign over everything.


I am a person who wants ALL PEOPLE to LOVE THEMSELVES properly and be LOVED ON by WHOEVER they love. I don't care or have any major opinions on WHO people chose as long as their behavior is not illegal. We came into this world because of LOVE. Biblically speaking, God loved humans ( his creation) so much he continues to preserve them and forgive them without keeping record of wrong. God's love for humans is so profound, The Book of Hebrews in the New Testament tells us it makes the angels a little jealous. Lucifer really took his jealousy too far - but that's another story for another time. Non-Biblically speaking, you were not aborted because somebody (even if it was not your mother or father) thought you deserved an opportunity to exist. Period! Furthermore, when does it ever really matter what's going on in somebody's bedroom IF YOU WERE NOT INVITED? (shrugging emoji) So spending too much energy on this ONE area of life bores me.
Once again, tolerance is essential to co-existing. People encounter countless experiences that shape them. As lovers, we enter their life with acceptance or rejection. We hold specific standards for ourselves, our lovers, our friends and our family and we tolerate them based on what we have the capacity to accept. What we cannot accept, we reject. When we love someone, based on our maturity, we accept and tolerate certain things. We do this because at some point we decided life is more fulfilling, healthy and harmonious with them in it.
When we decided our lives are better without them in it, we reject them. To keep people, places or things in our life that we reject because we don't value our own boundaries and standards is us over-tolerating and we should stop. When we keep people, places and things in our life that we have outgrown but we refuse to let them go because we prioritize someone else's happiness over our own OR someone else's desire for our life over our own; we are over-tolerating and should stop. Over-tolerating is crossing the boundary of the State of Tolerance and entering into the State of Misery and then justifying that move to protect someone's ego. I'mma hit ya'll with the Nancy Reagan, when it comes to over-tolerating "Just Say No". (Shout out to everybody born before or during The Reagan Era).
Love,
Your Favorite Behavioral Analyst Comedian and Happiness Cheerleader,
AaronaTheVirgo
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